Workplace Rule #4- Sausage flirting is a No-No

I don't know about anyone else but "Pause" moments are running rampant these days. Sometimes we can attribute them to immaturity and silliness and other times we can attribute it to just plain stupidity and desperation.

Such an instance occurred at work last week in the cafeteria. As I waited to place my order, a woman walks up in front of me to the counter holding an italian sausage link with tongs from the self serve station. *Pause* I stood there thinking, "whoa, it's 9:15am on a Wednesday, what the fugg is going on here?" Then I thought to myself, stop being nasty. There were 2 men standing there as well and everyone else was straight faced.
The woman continues to the counter and says to the cook, "Big Daddy, I have something for you." *Pause, Pause, Pause Fuggin' Pause* Did I mention this was the cafeteria at WORK. Now I'm thinking, "bitch is you crazy? I mean seriously." At this point the guy to my left looks down at the floor in an attempt to keep his cool. The guy on my right is holding his mouth, trying to keep his cool as well. I mean, we are at work and these men are trying to avoid a sexual harrassment charge.
She continues. "Bernie, I have something for you, right behind you." Bernie hasn't turned around yet, I suspect, b/c  Bernie knows this is some bullshit going on behind him.  He peeped her with that sausage in hand and probably was like "not today bitch."

At this point my mouth is clenched tight and I'm shaking my head- again I think "this bitch has gon' straight crazy" and I break my silence. I said "Um, ok, let's talk about the 2 things you don't do at work #1 walk up to a man holding a sausage and #2 yelling out  some Big Daddy while holding said sausage! I mean really?? It ain't even 10 am and you've already taken us to straight HBO late night!"  The 2 guys lose it, they are laughing hard and the woman giggles. She says "oh I wasn't even thinking like that"...
Come the fugg on heffa!  I know this woman knew what was happening.  I see her every morning flirting with this man in the cafe. She is all too happy to give this man a loose ass sausage with a smile. He's a married man heffa, if you're planning on seducing him, you'll have to do something else. I don't know any straight man that's getting excited over you holding a sausage. Another important note- Bernie is knocking on 50, that sausage shit is for dudes of the younger set.  Why not just hold a banana and pump it in and out of your mouth and moan?? I know times are hard and good men seem scarce but flirting (if you can even call it that) must be kept within bounds. Workplace "sausage" flirting is an easy way to land your ass in the HR department trying to explain to the HR director what exactly were you thinking when you called him Big Daddy while holding a sausage...