Afro Puffs and Bear Claws: The Prequel and the Sequel

Now for those of you who haven't heard the first installment here's a recap...

So this woman I know who's older needs to be a given a shot of estrogen and a gift certificate to a pedicure place and for one of them African hair braiders on 2-5th to hook her up....
Now let me say I'm not the girliest girl- as most of you know BUT my mom/aunts etc don't roll out the house without looking at the very least like they care about their appearance... And I may not act like I'm a member of the Catillion club but I do know about lotion, nail filing and gettin my hair done.
So anyway.. I'm at a funeral and at the "afterparty" (for a lack of a better term) ... I see this woman who's got to be around 52- and yes I know her... So I glance at her head, she got braids... cornrows.. that look like... HELL! like somebody just took her head and rubbed it under they armpits you hear me!? BRUSH THEM SHITS DAMMNIT! Tie a scarf on the bitches why is there an afro forming in the front of each braid! Then I scan down.. black top... scan down further.. black jeans.. but I'm like whatever.. scan down further and the most ATROCIOUS claws were revealed in sandals with stockings...SANDALS WITH STOCKINGS-BLACK STOCKINGS! Now Her feet where VAN DAMNING! I couldn't stop staring.. I was like, son her toes are like hell and ashy like she's been fighting with powder.. then the nails.. no color not even a simple gloss coat and they were willy nilly.. growing like wild fire! And I'm saying... at this funeral she seen people that she hadn't seen in like 20 years.. Now I'm the first mofosucka to tell you fuck people and what they say.. but even I had to say now you know you wrong for rolling out the house like that! This will be the last image you leave in their mind until the next time you see them.. ashy bear claw like toes and individual afro halo on corn rows..

So let's fast forward a month later... I see said woman at a Barbecue event.. so her hair is done nicely and I say RIGHT ON- Afro Puffs on each braid GONE! HALLELUJAH!
So I scan down AGAIN- ok, pink shirt, ok denim shorts... fine for a bbq... BUT GOTDAMMNIT! AGAIN the feet, Worse than ever before...Toes still unpolished, however the right foot is the worse offender- the big toenail is leaning hard-gangsta like to the right- the 2nd toe is a muthafuggin' birds beak! There is a nail on there that would make Mary and Moses say "Oh Sh*t" in unison... that toe nail was one of them rock ones- and was about 2 inches long... and she had on flip flops! WTF FLIP FLOPS? I presume it's because socks or shoes would've been punctured by the mofosuckin' ROCK FORMATION ON THAT 2nd DAMN TOE! I couldn't stop staring and unlike the first time I refused to be insulted and accosted by such a vision- so I tapped her feverishly and pointed to that toe and said "WASSSSSSUP WIT DAT TOENAIL!" She's like "what?? leave me alone" I told her you better not kick nobody because you gonna have a 1st degree assault on your hands!! I tried to get her to see the severity of the situation- by saying "there goes a nail shop, we should go in!" No doubt it would've been like that Martin episode where Shaneneh had to take a saw to Myra's feet... but alas, she and her nail just sashayed on down the street to her vehicle- where no doubt she was using that nail to press on the gas...