Betcha didn't know Vaseline was used for that!

Welcome back- and I hope you all had a wonderful fourth of July... I know I did... but know back to pushing our Rocks!

So I get a call from my friend- we'll call her Dumas... Any-who Dumas calls me a few days ago to let me know that she started taking a cycling class at her local gym- "Great" I replied. She then tells me about how the class was hard- she can't take pain and how her backside was hurting her. "That's normal" I replied. So she then says to me "My coochie needs a rub down". Now first off let me say- I'm not in the business of rubbing anything female related down- nor do I desire to know that such a need exists! So I told her "You are a nasty piece of work and that's more information than I needed to know!"  So our conversation ends with me calling her all kinds of nasty mofo-fuckers and such.

So about 2 days after that I call her to say what's up- so she tells me she's home sick from work. I'm like "wow summer cold- bummer". She's like "no I don't have a cold- I couldn't go to work because my vagina is dry..." Dead silence on the phone on my end... I'm thinking "no this heffa didn't just tell me this shit"

I'm on lunch at the time of this phone call so needless to say this wasn't very appetizing. Then she goes on and on about how it's "SOOOO DRY!" Again I tell her she's nasty and perhaps she should go to the Gyno and get that looked at. So she's like "well I'm gonna go to the 99c ent store and see if they have something"

LIKE WHAT? SOME SHIT THATS GONNA MAKE U ITCH SOME MORE!??? I was like whatever- this girl has been known to be cheap so I dunno why I'm suprised by this tomfoolery... 

So I say to her perhaps you should try to go to Duane Reade and look at some stuff they have in the Feminine Hygiene aisle- she's like well "I put Vaseline on it so I should be okay for now".

Yes cars come to a screeching halt, mouths drop open and I stop dead in my tracks in the middle of Midtown Manhattan and in a dazed look I say to this trick- "YOU DID WHAT!?"

Now I know we all do some stupid shit and I know I don't have a manual for my body- but I know one thing- I don't put no muthafuggin Vaseline on my private parts- ya dig!?

So after I realize that she isn't joking- I said to her "Bitch are you crazy!?" Because what else am I supposed to say to some dumb shit like that!  What else am I supposed to say to a 34 year old woman- who puts Vaseline in her Va-jay jay?! "That was a good idea"? Oh yeah! That makes sense! 

Because you put VASELINE which is a petroleum jelly and that has a warning that says " NOT FOR INTERNAL USE" Guess she thought that meant don't mix it with ya fuggin Kool Aid! or better yet don't use when you have dry mouth! Idiot!

I told her "Don't you think that would cause you to attract more bacteria?" She gets quiet on the phone as a child does when they've been made painfully aware that they shouldn't have stuffed 2 marbles up their nose!

And she had the nerve to tell her boyfriend of 8 months this foolishness too- he just looked at her shook his head and went in the room. And then she wonders why he is hesitant about marriage and children... 

hmmmm... I wonder why...