They must be givin' out degrees at yo' school!

So I'm freelancing at this place (been here for about 4 months at this joint) and for the most part it's cool. But every place has it's on set of  files that must go into the "They must be givin' out degrees at your college!". 

Some background info before I begin- anyone who's freelanced knows that you are like a hooker for the night- (or in my case 4 months). You don't get an email address- you often get a random ass "Lowlyfreelancer@jackasscompany.com" and whatever station you happen to be sitting at is the number that you will be called on by the people sitting literally 2 steps away from you.

 

So, one lovely summer afternoon, I'm in this office just working along, listening to my pandora and my "SUPER-visor" comes in and says "You didn't get my message? or are you just ignoring me " I look at him bewildered, because I'm thinking to myself- "#1, you've got issues because why would I ignore your ass.. #2 I just checked email and got nothing" so I turn to him and say "what message?"

So he says "I left you a voicemail" I say, "on my cell phone?". Because why would you leave me a message on a phone that I can't access...

So he's like "no on the office phone"– so I push back from my computer- because if there's one thing I can't stand, it's when stupid people get too close to me, I have to put distance in between us 'cuz I don't need to get no stupid juice on me!

I said to him "This phone?, why would you think I could check messages on this phone?" He's like "you can't access messages? I thought you could". I said "doesn't it say someone else's name and has someone else's voice on it?"  He says "yeah but I thought you could check it"... 

I said to him "no I can't check it, and if I could check it, would I leave another person's name and voice on the machine?!" He just looks at me and says "I guess your right"... 

All I ask is for one step in the direction of Intelligence and Common Sense!

ONE STEP!

So Monday I was out sick and I left him a message saying I'm not coming in but I'll be in on Tuesday.

I get in on Tuesday morning, I'm checking my email- I see "Please confirm that you'll be in at 9 am on Monday, we have the following projects due tomorrow..."

Just as I'm about to respond- "Fulbright Scholar" comes in to my office- so I turn to him and say "you keep sending messages to this account asking me to confirm my schedule, you need to send them to my personal account!" He's like "you can't check the email from home" I pushed back again- because I'm wondering is there a fuggin' camera under my desk or some shit!? No one can be this retarded! So I said to him, "Did you hire me full-time? Am I listed in this company's directory as an employee?, Hell, do I even have an ID?" 

He looks at me perplexed- I said I'M A FREELANCER- YOU HAVE TO ADD ME TO THE SECURITY LIST EVERY MONTH LIKE I'M OSAMA BEEN HIDIN!! YOU HAVE TO SIGN MY TIME SHEET EVERY WEEK THAT SAYS "TEMP AGENCY! HOW CAN MY NAME BE PUT ON A PHONE OR AN EMAIL OR GIVEN SECURITY CLEARANCE TO ACCESS THE MAIL FROM HOME IF I'M NOT TECHNICALLY AN EMPLOYEE OF THIS COMPANY!"

He then says "hmmmm" as if something is just not sinking in.. I said "remember last week you asked me about the voicemail? it's the same issue with the email. They are not going to give a non-SuckaCompany employee a voicemail box or access to their system"

He says "hmmph, ok- gotta look into that". Now let me just say this mofo is 27 years old and is making over $100k a year as a Director.  He needs to take some of that fuggin money and go back to school for common sense... 

But he isn't the only one who's got Silly Mutton on the brain- as I'm writing this blog I get up to go get something from the printer, this woman who's the office assistant says "HI!!!!" I say "good morning" She then turns to me and says in a whispered tone "You should smile" I said "why?" She laughs as if I made a funny " did you just say Why?" I said "yes, I did, why? what am I smiling for? Did something funny/amusing just happen" 

Now this woman always smiles, "we didn't get the account"- Katy smiling like she done hit the lotto! "We've got cookies on edit side" -there she goes grinning... 

I said to her "when you smile all the time, people think you're crazy" and I just looked at her -flashing back in my mind to everytime she walks by someone's cube or the bathroom, people do the circle finger by the brain motion... cuz she be grinning nonstop... 

So what does good old Katy do? She just smiled and walked away....

Probably got the Charlie Brown song going in her head... 

crazy heffa...