I've come to the realization that once you show me that you are missing all kinds of crayons from the box, I'm not coloring with you anymore!
Case in point a few days ago, I got to eat with about six folks... laughter, good food, ok convo, but then the bill comes and we all know what that can do to the atmosphere.
We open the bill to survey the damage – $84– that's when the conversation begins. Cheapo on my right, starts mumbling "I'm going to have to put this on my card, well what did I have... hmmm... I had the pepsi and the i-burger with ....hmmm" he continues "my meal is $10, I don't have cash so I'll have to put it on my card." One guy on my left takes out his lil i-phone and opens the app to calculate the tip... I pipe up, "so how are we doing this, are we splitting this equally? or are we paying for what we ate exactly?" Dude to my right, pipes up "my meal was $10" ... I think to myself, "if he says this shit one more time I'm gonna slap him right at this table"... the guy on my left says "why don't we just do it equally?"... again El Cheapo continues, "my meal is $10 sooooo ... " I give him a side eye, because his constant refrain has now caused an uncomfortable silence at the table...The guy on my left continues (thinking Cheapo is joking) "it's $17 a person- that includes tip", everyone else throws in their funds some more than $17 some a dollar short. I calculate the funds and it comes to $87, someone says "that's a $3 tip we can't do that" and I reply "well, this one here is using his card for $13"... Cheapo continues "... my meal was $10 so..." I said "yeah but you gotta add tip in there!" ... because at this time AQuietstorm is two seconds from taking his head and banging it repeatedly on the table...
So the waiter comes to retrieve the bill and Cheapo says "yeah soooo, can you just take the pepsi and burger out separately" and he and the waiter are staring at each other for a good 5 seconds and I break this love stare and say "you gonna give him your card or what?"...
The waiter comes back with the broken out bill and gives Cheapo his portion – his bill comes to $10.84 and then he adds a $4 tip... now... it took me everything in my power not to gouge his eyes out... So you mean to tell me that at $14.84 which is essentially 15 friggin dollars- you couldn't buck up 2 more dollars?
I'm not one for counting people's dollars, I know money is tighter than a girdle on a football player, but seriously, stay your ass home if you are going to nit pick over $2! There's nothing wrong with not coming b/c it's not in your budget, I'll be the first one to say "I'm on the broke side of luxury today and will not be partaking in the festivities", but don't come out and then start repeating how much your meal cost and gettin' tight about $2... stay your ass at home! No one forced you!
His homeboy even laughed at him...at the next get together, if it's not to a chain restaurant
where you pay your own damn food and it's not on a shared bill, the crew can count me out...
Like dude, you have a girlfriend so I can only guess that there must be other attributes that make you attractive, because this Mumbling Cheap Bro-hem thing you got going on leaves much to be desired...
Friday, October 22, 2010
Sunday, October 17, 2010
RIF was the original text lingo...
Usually my "can't make this stuff up posts" are all about folks saying or doing something silly, that screams of missing common sense, but then I run across something/someone that makes me realize that we are in a Literacy State of Emergency! In this day and age, with all the resources available for folks to learn a new language and even learn how to read, I am saddened, befuddled and angered when I read things that indicate we are in a shambles with regards to literacy.
On facebook, I have a "friend" who is a young man of 24 years old, I've known him since he was a young tot, his family and mine are good friends- in fact we consider each other family. I remember his aunt telling me about him being in high school and the school just allowing him to graduate even with him failing EVERY YEAR. His grandmother (who lives in another state) would get him books, tapes, and begged his parents to get him some help.
He lives down south and although folks consider southern folks to be uneducated, I know that's not the truth, folks not being educated is a nation wide epidemic. And essentially it comes down to the parents, who, when even approached about their kid being below reading level, did nothing to improve the situation. They just shrugged their shoulders and said "well he don't wanna learn" nice, way to go for Parent of the Year award, I guess he's just following the crowd...
Anyway, this young man posts a status update that read,
"win you thougth you had me in the box it wasn't even close keep trying and see if you can stop me of what im doing in lif. win you have alot on your plant and you feel like things ant going your way just take a walk to cool down becoues life don't have a heart and it don't share love what it can give you is mine graine headink"...
now at first I thought "perhaps he's on his phone and mistyped" and then after my trying to re-read because I thought I might be having a stroke and shit is gettin' real bad for me...but then I had to do a flashback to other status updates- which include:
"be happy about what you have and don't were about what you don't got becoues the same why you got it you can lose it so thank god you have something something is batter then nothing" He says "...don't were..." he meant don't worry but I guess if you write like you speak then this makes perfect sense.... say it to yourself, "don't were about it"...smh.... And "batter"? cake batter? no! He meant "better"...
and my all time favorite:
"sometime win you thank you doing bad you really n't maybe its just u felling that way about your seft some time you can always thank about what going wrong in your life pick your seft up and take one day at a time and just live baby."
The repeated use of the word "win" when he means WHEN is even more frustrating and let's not forget about "seft" aka SELF... I've told him about these posts, after the first one I said "you need spell check, grammar check and a remedial course, you need to read and seriously stop posting because you sound stupid and no one can understand what you are writing." He writes back- "LOL"...
So you mean to tell me that you know what "LOL" means but you don't know how to spell SELF and WHEN ? He'd make Dr. Seuss upset! And at 24 years old with no desire to change and seemingly no viable resources to improve himself this is it for him! And sadly, he's one of thousands of folks just like him... and the number is growing even larger with increased internet usage and "abbreviations". I remember feeling like a dork for having so many books as a child, now I'm eternally grateful that my mama made me read and to this day I've got books galore!
My mom has me grading her college students' papers where they are using "ROFLMAO" or "LOL" or "U" instead of "you"... in a college paper?!!!?? That deserves a "c'mon son!"–
Parents with children – get some books, read to your kids, curb their usage of internet lingo – it's killing us, no ROFLMAO about it...
On facebook, I have a "friend" who is a young man of 24 years old, I've known him since he was a young tot, his family and mine are good friends- in fact we consider each other family. I remember his aunt telling me about him being in high school and the school just allowing him to graduate even with him failing EVERY YEAR. His grandmother (who lives in another state) would get him books, tapes, and begged his parents to get him some help.
He lives down south and although folks consider southern folks to be uneducated, I know that's not the truth, folks not being educated is a nation wide epidemic. And essentially it comes down to the parents, who, when even approached about their kid being below reading level, did nothing to improve the situation. They just shrugged their shoulders and said "well he don't wanna learn" nice, way to go for Parent of the Year award, I guess he's just following the crowd...
Anyway, this young man posts a status update that read,
"win you thougth you had me in the box it wasn't even close keep trying and see if you can stop me of what im doing in lif. win you have alot on your plant and you feel like things ant going your way just take a walk to cool down becoues life don't have a heart and it don't share love what it can give you is mine graine headink"...
now at first I thought "perhaps he's on his phone and mistyped" and then after my trying to re-read because I thought I might be having a stroke and shit is gettin' real bad for me...but then I had to do a flashback to other status updates- which include:
"be happy about what you have and don't were about what you don't got becoues the same why you got it you can lose it so thank god you have something something is batter then nothing" He says "...don't were..." he meant don't worry but I guess if you write like you speak then this makes perfect sense.... say it to yourself, "don't were about it"...smh.... And "batter"? cake batter? no! He meant "better"...
and my all time favorite:
"sometime win you thank you doing bad you really n't maybe its just u felling that way about your seft some time you can always thank about what going wrong in your life pick your seft up and take one day at a time and just live baby."
The repeated use of the word "win" when he means WHEN is even more frustrating and let's not forget about "seft" aka SELF... I've told him about these posts, after the first one I said "you need spell check, grammar check and a remedial course, you need to read and seriously stop posting because you sound stupid and no one can understand what you are writing." He writes back- "LOL"...
So you mean to tell me that you know what "LOL" means but you don't know how to spell SELF and WHEN ? He'd make Dr. Seuss upset! And at 24 years old with no desire to change and seemingly no viable resources to improve himself this is it for him! And sadly, he's one of thousands of folks just like him... and the number is growing even larger with increased internet usage and "abbreviations". I remember feeling like a dork for having so many books as a child, now I'm eternally grateful that my mama made me read and to this day I've got books galore!
My mom has me grading her college students' papers where they are using "ROFLMAO" or "LOL" or "U" instead of "you"... in a college paper?!!!?? That deserves a "c'mon son!"–
Parents with children – get some books, read to your kids, curb their usage of internet lingo – it's killing us, no ROFLMAO about it...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Dumb as rocks!
Everytime I think I'm on a hiatus from experiencing stupidity, just like a bad cold it returns to make me sick! So today at the factory, I get an email regarding a project by a woman who is also named "Aquietstorm", I respond to her email and tell her to call me to discuss further.
Within a half an hour, my phone rings I answer "Aquietstorm speaking", the person on the other ends starts yapping, "so I'm thinking that this won't be ...." After deciphering that this wasn't some random prank caller sounding like a befuddled mess, I figured out who the hell it was and so I stop her mid-sentence and say "is this Aquietstorm?" she replies "yeah", I say "oh my phone doesn't have caller ID, so I can't tell who's calling" - Mind you, I have to do this repeatedly since we are in a world that assumes everyone's phone comes equipped with caller ID, and that would be fine if I didn't work at a place that has the same phones that Jesus used when he called Moses to tell him to part the seas! But I digress, so Jabba Jaws says, "Oh I thought because you said my name that you knew who it was" and then she continues. I stop her again, after biting my tongue to keep from screaming, STUPID B*TCH, I said "well my name is also AQUIETSTORM!", she then says "yeah, I know, uggghhh I'm just not thinking".... well perhaps you need to call me back when your brain is operational again because apparently you need to hang a sign on that b*tch saying "out for repairs!"
Seriously! You can't be that befuddled with someone who also has the same name as you??!?!
Chic is about as bright as a 10-watt bulb...
Within a half an hour, my phone rings I answer "Aquietstorm speaking", the person on the other ends starts yapping, "so I'm thinking that this won't be ...." After deciphering that this wasn't some random prank caller sounding like a befuddled mess, I figured out who the hell it was and so I stop her mid-sentence and say "is this Aquietstorm?" she replies "yeah", I say "oh my phone doesn't have caller ID, so I can't tell who's calling" - Mind you, I have to do this repeatedly since we are in a world that assumes everyone's phone comes equipped with caller ID, and that would be fine if I didn't work at a place that has the same phones that Jesus used when he called Moses to tell him to part the seas! But I digress, so Jabba Jaws says, "Oh I thought because you said my name that you knew who it was" and then she continues. I stop her again, after biting my tongue to keep from screaming, STUPID B*TCH, I said "well my name is also AQUIETSTORM!", she then says "yeah, I know, uggghhh I'm just not thinking".... well perhaps you need to call me back when your brain is operational again because apparently you need to hang a sign on that b*tch saying "out for repairs!"
Seriously! You can't be that befuddled with someone who also has the same name as you??!?!
Chic is about as bright as a 10-watt bulb...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)