I've come to the realization that once you show me that you are missing all kinds of crayons from the box, I'm not coloring with you anymore!
Case in point a few days ago, I got to eat with about six folks... laughter, good food, ok convo, but then the bill comes and we all know what that can do to the atmosphere.
We open the bill to survey the damage – $84– that's when the conversation begins. Cheapo on my right, starts mumbling "I'm going to have to put this on my card, well what did I have... hmmm... I had the pepsi and the i-burger with ....hmmm" he continues "my meal is $10, I don't have cash so I'll have to put it on my card." One guy on my left takes out his lil i-phone and opens the app to calculate the tip... I pipe up, "so how are we doing this, are we splitting this equally? or are we paying for what we ate exactly?" Dude to my right, pipes up "my meal was $10" ... I think to myself, "if he says this shit one more time I'm gonna slap him right at this table"... the guy on my left says "why don't we just do it equally?"... again El Cheapo continues, "my meal is $10 sooooo ... " I give him a side eye, because his constant refrain has now caused an uncomfortable silence at the table...The guy on my left continues (thinking Cheapo is joking) "it's $17 a person- that includes tip", everyone else throws in their funds some more than $17 some a dollar short. I calculate the funds and it comes to $87, someone says "that's a $3 tip we can't do that" and I reply "well, this one here is using his card for $13"... Cheapo continues "... my meal was $10 so..." I said "yeah but you gotta add tip in there!" ... because at this time AQuietstorm is two seconds from taking his head and banging it repeatedly on the table...
So the waiter comes to retrieve the bill and Cheapo says "yeah soooo, can you just take the pepsi and burger out separately" and he and the waiter are staring at each other for a good 5 seconds and I break this love stare and say "you gonna give him your card or what?"...
The waiter comes back with the broken out bill and gives Cheapo his portion – his bill comes to $10.84 and then he adds a $4 tip... now... it took me everything in my power not to gouge his eyes out... So you mean to tell me that at $14.84 which is essentially 15 friggin dollars- you couldn't buck up 2 more dollars?
I'm not one for counting people's dollars, I know money is tighter than a girdle on a football player, but seriously, stay your ass home if you are going to nit pick over $2! There's nothing wrong with not coming b/c it's not in your budget, I'll be the first one to say "I'm on the broke side of luxury today and will not be partaking in the festivities", but don't come out and then start repeating how much your meal cost and gettin' tight about $2... stay your ass at home! No one forced you!
His homeboy even laughed at him...at the next get together, if it's not to a chain restaurant
where you pay your own damn food and it's not on a shared bill, the crew can count me out...
Like dude, you have a girlfriend so I can only guess that there must be other attributes that make you attractive, because this Mumbling Cheap Bro-hem thing you got going on leaves much to be desired...
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