"Up with this bullshit I will not put!"

"A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks, a woman loses hers after four kisses."

A good friend and I were having a discussions about the differences between men and women when dating, married or otherwise engaged in relationships and we realized (what we subconsciously already knew), women will put up with some straight up mess in a relationship, mess that men wouldn't dare even entertain with a mere thought.
     My friend had been dating a guy who was "alright" and "all wrong." According to her descriptions of him –  he looked "alright", had an "alright" job, and had "alright" conversation. She wanted some male companionship and figured he'd be good enough to pass the time. On her first (and only) outside date with him she spent hours getting ready, got her hair done, got her nails done, nice outfit and their first date was to Applebees. In her head she thought "WTF is this Applebees bullsh*t?  Applebees? I went here last week with my Goddaughter who's 14! I'm a grown ass woman in her 30's, who's getting taken to Applebees on a first date- where they do that at?" But she fell back, talked herself down off the ledge said "ok, maybe this brother doesn't have it like that, ok."
After a few weeks of kicking it, they take it up a notch and became intimate. Well! That was another bag of ridiculousness right there. So she tells me that they began to skip down intimate road, she's ready to take the ride, only, the operator ain't workin'. Yes, he's got erectile dysfunction or as I call it "monkey wang"... She's in shock but instead of making him feel less than adequate, she continues to keep trying to perform an exorcism and raise the dead. The next flub was trying to get the condom on- well, he decided to give his wang a stern talking to,  he grits his teeth and says "you do this now? you doggone limp noodle!" (And that discussion was stiffer than he will ever be apparently) She is laying there in shock, but instead of saying "never mind honey, let's end this here", she continues to play along- every time he got it up,  it was a race for her to get on it before the wang fell asleep again... smh... have mercy. As she's telling me the story, tears are coming out my eyes, b/c I cannot contain the laughter.
All the while I'm wondering how much longer did she continue with this foolishness?

I remembered another story of a woman sharing her tale of how her husband apparently has a porn problem- he looks at porn everyday, looks at those King magazine photos and she's found porn site links on his laptop. Not to mention he's got a monkey wang issue as well, due to high blood pressure, blood flow is off,  but continues to try and get her to make him feel good as she grows more and more disgusted.  She puts up with it hoping that it will get better and because she made the vow "for better or for worse."

But this brings me back to my original statement and the fact that women will put up with mediocrity and less than that. And I don't know if men would put with half the stuff that women deal with.

Women are the more sympathetic of the 2 sexes but there are a few important lessons to note:

Lesson #1: Monkey Wang shall not be accepted straight out the gate.  Now I'm not saying that you dump a dude you've been married to for 10 years b/c his wang is on strike. But what I'm saying is, if on day 1 or 6 he can't play ball and you aren't really into the dude to begin with then let's cut your losses here ladies. If you're not into him, 9 times out of 10 you're with him for the nookie- and if that's the case... you ain't gettin' what you signed up for.  Note: Men do not play this bullshit game. If your sex game is at all wack-errific or any variation thereof, that man is out. He's not playing along, as Rick James would say "Fuck yo' couch".  And in no way shape or form would a man be going through these acrobatic tricks to get a woman in the mood had the tables been any variation of reversed. It ain't cool, he knew his wang was out of commission from the start of the tour. Eff his feelings, this ain't your man who suddenly had an issue and you're trying to be sympathetic. He didn't take your feelings into consideration when he brought that limp noodle to the dinner party! 


Lesson #2: Have similar standards for your man that you have of your friends.  I have heard women say about other women:  "I had to stop talking to that girl, she's too dumb" or "she's a bum, I can't be hanging around bum ass girls."  But in the next breath will talk about their man who needs to borrow $20 to put gas in the car...AGAIN or who continues to smoke weed and play video games in his boxers instead of looking for a job. I've had a discussion with a male family member who is known for using girls like an eraser, he constantly repeated his manifesto and mantra to me "I'm broke, why would I get a girl who's broke? She can't help me, shit, she can barely help herself." See, women don't think like that, we think, "oh we're helping him out til he get on his feet"- only feet he's gettin' on is yours so you can carry his monkey ass around!


Lesson #3: "For Better or Worse" is cool but if you're getting more of the worse then the Better some thangs got to change! This "for better or for worse" vow has gotten women all messed up in the game. Women take that shit to mean that no matter how bad it gets and how much we ache we gotta "stick it out" and "make it work."  Meanwhile, men don't have that same approach- it's more "For Better or for worse, but mines come first" type of party. Monkey wang AND a porn problem? Nah son, you get to pick one issue, 2 issues is too many and you asking to be set ablaze while you sleep.  Sacrifice is a 2 way street - if he's not willing to see that you are not happy with the relationship and adjust himself to make sure that YOU are happy then it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. And if he's got The Wang, then why is he looking at porn? That's like wanting to test drive a car as a paraplegic- some shit just ain't gonna happen, so why try?! 


Lesson #4 Don't believe the hype - you ain't gonna die alone- it ain't worth it to be with somebody just so you won't be alone.  We all have had that thought at some point but that kind of thinking is like having an infected gangrene foot and keeping it because "hey, at least I still got 2 feet!" Yeah you got 2 feet but one is blacker than Flava Flav with a tan and you can't use it! Your better than that- and warming your bed with a lighter seems like a good idea at first until the whole shit is engulfed in flames, you running around trying to put out the fire and going crazy- same shit for allowing a man who you know ain't working for you to remain in your life - sometimes it feels good, but when you grit your teeth at the the thought of him getting in the bed, some shit's got to change!


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