So I got a family member- She's in beauty school- or was in beauty school until about a month ago- when she got kicked out for flunking...
Let's take a trip back 6 months ago, She calls me excited on the phone, "Aquietstorm! I'm going to be a cosmetologist." I roll my eyes and sigh because this is career option 45 in the last 2 years... She is about 38, with a child and is in need of some direction, focus, career options- cuz as she says "I'm gettin old, I can't do this shit no more". So she tells me about the program- great- she sounds excited and this is the first time she's sounded excited about anything in A LONG TIME. So being supportive yet cautious- I hitch my wagon to her joy cart- and I encourage her. She emails me her essay- I shoulda known this is when the first head banging board got pulled out... So I correct it, cuz it's a hella mess- misspelling, wrong tense, grammatical errors, shit is just jacked UP! So I email it back to her, a few days later I speak to her and I'm like "Did you get my email with your essay corrected?" She says " Oh, there was somethin' wrong with it? I already sent it in"... WTF!? I mean really now, wrong usage of "their" and "there", everything misspelled except her name! WTF!? So I said well there were some things that were jacked up in the essay, you should've proofread before sending it out... but whatever.. I figure if she gets in then God definitely watches out for fools and baby- cuz she ain't no baby but she damn sure a fool...
So VOILA! she gets in... So we go thru a whole financial aid drama- b/c after all, this school is $16,000 for NINE MONTHS! And she got about $2.00 in her pocket... and 50 cent in her bank account ... so we finish that... they have her sign a bunch of contracts and such... of course.. none of which she reads...
So 2nd week of classes, I'm speaking to her about the program and she tells me that she has to find her own models... she's screaming and hollering... "THEY AIN'T TELL ME THAT!" So I say, "baby is it in the contract?" "No" but I know 'ole girl ain't read that contract!
So let's fast forward a few months- 2 weeks before being terminated from the program- she tells me about her classes and how she's having trouble with parallel lines- she can do it at the back of the head but not the front... So I got the side eye going because I'm not comprehending... so I just say "Did you get the teacher to come show you?" "Yes" she says, "the teacher showed me repeatedly I just can't get it". "And another thing I can't understand is clockwise and counterclockwise"... I was in a bookstore, I had to stop in the middle of the aisle and hold my head and look up the sky... surely she's joking I say... so I say "you know a clock right? not the digital the regular clock?" She's like "yeah" I said "clockwise is the direction the clock normally moves in, with time going forward" but alas she was silent on the phone... like a dog looking at a clock she ain't know what time it was... She says "I don't get it, explain it to me like I'm a 5 year old" (yeah like a 5 year old... I know muthafuggas who blind, bald and crazy and can tell you counterclockwise from clockwise) So I got an epiphany- break it down to the Short Yellow Bus level A!.. So I say "Clockwise goes to the right and Counterclockwise goes to the left"... she goes "OOOHHHHH"... WTF, I gotta get on some board of education meeting and explain that we fuckin' up the kids left and right son... this shit ain't cute... She older than all 12 disciples and I gotta break shit down like I'm talking to Snuffaluffagus on muthafuckin' Sesame Street.
So fast forward, 2 weeks later-- I get a frantic call.. "YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED I GOT KICKED OUT FOR 2 POINTS!" Nice... I'm at work, and she's as loud as a bullhorn... sexy...
Later on that evening I get all the details...or so I think are all the details... she basically got a 78 (80 is passing) failed by 2 points- it sucks but such is life... go to another school...
But she asks them to send her transcript- AND to send the rest of her loan money to the other school she plans on going to- HUH? I said "that's not gonna work, they'll send that remaining money back to the state" " NO IT"S MY MONEY I WANT IT SENT TO THE OTHER SCHOOL SHIT!" "hmmm I say, technically it ain't ur money..." but whatever.. we get into a tiff over that...
So let's fast forward again to last night... I'm on the phone with her discussing shit and shinola... she tells me "I'm suing that school, they tricked me"... LORD WHY DON"T YOU JUST TAKE ME NOW GOD, HEAVEN GOTTA BE READY FOR ME! And so the 3 hour battle via telephone ensues... She goes thru how she received an unofficial transcript- and on that transcript it says her overall average was a 76. Here she goes "I got a 78, what the fuck is this 76 shit" I'm thinking, how can I tactfully say "YOU STILL FAILED EITHER WAY HEFFA!" So we do a run down of her grades.. presentations she got like 100's 110's (she got 10 extra credit points for doing well) then she gets to her tests (which I have to correct her cuz she keeps sayin' "TESSSESSS") and she running off numbers like 71, 70, 74, 73- my thing is - is this the muthafuckin' 5 day forecast or is your ass FAILING THIS SHIT LIKE WHOA!?
Then she proceeds to tell me that she failed the first 2 "sessions" of the program- with a 73 and a 71... and the final session she got an 88 or a 94 or some shit... but all averaged out- YOU STILL FAIL...
So I ask her what is she suing them for? Because either way you fail suga!!!
She's like "they tricked me, I'm reading in this handbook that there was a thing set up to help out students who aren't doing well, they never told me that!" "And also it says that we can use other students in the school instead of looking outside of the school for models" "I've never heard of a school saying that 80 is passing, all my years in school a 65 was passing." I explain to her this ain't no college- it's a vocational school- we ain't gonna go on the standards they uphold cuz after all her essay was full of mistakes and misspellings and she still got in!
Forgot to mention...She has a script already for the judge- "But your honor, this was my life's dream, I was gonna make something of myself, I had a dream and that's all I wanted to be was a cosmetologist. That's like you goin' to school and someone comes and takes your judgehood away" --yeah she said "judgehood"... yeah... believe it...
I'm looking at the phone like WTF why me? So I can't stand anymore, I can no longer be supportive and sweet at this point, the truth is bubbling inside of me- I can't hold it no more- So I pop- start screamin' Listen! You bout to waste time and energy suing somebody over 2 points and your ass is 38 and shoulda read the mofosuckin' contract son! The judge ain't gonna wanna hear no sob story bout your life" I told her "You sound like an episode of Good Times, cut the bullshit... go to the other school buck up and study if this is what you want to do!" Needless to say we don't stay on the phone long...
To all you teachers out there... please, I beg of you, inject some critical thinking into ya lesson plans... this child don't know shit from shaving cream and gettin' upset because people "don't tell her" what's already in a written contract that she signed...
Stay tuned for the journey into the legal system with this blind horse bucking and screaming... hope she get a Judge Judy type that screams on her... cuz my "Keeping It Real" with her done went wrong since she still going thru with this ridiculous lawsuit...
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