Theme for today? Foolishness

So I'm watching channel 7 news and a story comes on about a man in Westchester who grabbed a teen girl on her way home from school and threw her in the back of a truck. In no way is this story funny, however, the newscasters need to pick better people to talk to about such events...
So there goes the reporter, stopping a car on the street with a man and his son in the car- the camera shot is from the passenger side.
The son who looks to be about 15 years old is weighin' in at about 300lbs on a light day, ya get me?
The reporter asks him about the kidnapping and his thoughts the father says "this is why parents come and pick up their kids from school, we live right up the street and I come and pick him up (pointing to the son), he's a big guy but I still come to get him"...
This "kid" was swole up in that car, seat belt strainin', you couldn't see the father's chest because the son's stomach blocked the view. The father had to lean forward to be visible... son!
Are you really worried about him gettin' kidnappped? By WHOM!? Muhfuggin' King Kong? cuz truthfully there would have to be like 6 mofos to "throw" his ass anywhere...
shit...

Then I get a call from a friend.. who's coming into to town, he's older, married, love him to death, he's like fam... He's excited to be coming into NYC, lovely... I'm excited too... really...
So I mention something about having a few people over for a lil get together... he asks me "you have any attractive friends"... no, I got some dog lookin' muthas as friends... so ugly I only speak to them on the phone b/c face to face is just too fuggin' hard... WTF!? I tell him, don't ask me no stupid questions okay? Then he continues to tell me that he hasn't "had any" in a while... nice... b/c that was on my top questions for your monkey ass- so? How's the kids? How's the wife? By the way, how's your sex life? Get the fugg outta here!

Now that was a few days ago, I get another call today, asking me if I'm still having this "small get together" because there are some other folks who he works with who will be coming in from out of town... *record scratch* anyone who knows Aquietstorm knows my Modus Operandi on this- I don't know ya friends- they could be comin' to my crib with velcro strapped to their hands willin' to pick up anything like "how'd that get here!?"... I ain't got time and my husband is not up for a jail stint for whoopin' ass ok? So I tell him "I don't want no people I don't know up in my house!" He's like "I'd keep watch on them" really? nice... cuz I trust your ass to watch your skank ass friends in my house... NOT...
So he's like, "it's mostly women"... *another record scratch*... so you mean to tell me, this is going to be an episode of "One Bro, 4 Hoes"??? I think not! I tell him, you may think we partake in absolute ridiculousness on a regular basis, however, you haven't been here in about 3-4 years and I guarantee there are somethings about us and this place you just don't understand:
#1 I WILL NOT be providing a place for you to engage in extramarital affairs- any "love in the club" activity will be had by the 2 mofos who are married and pay rent up in this bitch... NOT YOUR ASS WITH SOME MISCELLANEOUS HOOCH...
#2 We ain't runnin' a Hotel, Harlots and Hand jobs convention... if you feel like you need to pop off then perhaps you need to take your lil monies and scurry on down to the motel for an hourly meeting... but up in this crib, we will not be havin' no Pimps Up Hoes Down activity
#3 YOU MARRIED son! And I know your wife! And I'm married!? And how I look like openin' up that Pandora's box and gateway to hell!!!
#4 If ya wife ain't givin' you none, perhaps Dr. Phil needs to be called and you need to spend your time down there workin out ya marital discord rather than trottin ya happy and horny ass up to NYC...

But of course, I get the "don't you worry about that", to which I reply, you ain't draggin' in the dust of negativity into my crib with this mess...
And then I have to ask him, "you've known me for how long? perhaps you're retarded and don't know that you are going to get cussed out for this question!?"

And of course, the wife and kids come up in the crib and he then has to get off the phone cuz he can't talk about this now...
yeah... I bet... ass