As always hubby's job provides a plethora of material for the Can't make this stuff up Blog-
So yesterday, a rather quiet Sunday afternoon 2 sets of customer's come into his job to browse around the store. One customer decides to go and use the store restroom, after about 20 minutes, the customer (a man) comes out and while hubby is talking to another set of customers he says "Is your toilet handle broke?" to which hubby responds- "not really broke just difficult you have to jiggle the handle." The man smirks and says "well I left you a surprise in your garbage can"... hubby freezes, another customer says "oh God" and hubby storms into the bathroom to be met with ... logs of shit in his garbage can wrapped in toilet paper.
Yeah, that's right, logs of shit...
And let's get some things straight right now in this muthafugga- he was not slow/mentally challenged/or any other condition which might render his mental faculties damaged...
Now I must also interject here and assure you hubby is the most professional man I've seen in dealing with customers who've spewed insults, spat at him, and other behavior too numerous to mention- but None so egregious as this man SHITTING IN A GARBAGE CAN... at that point- he lost it... (and I don't blame him)
Hubby screams "You've got to be fuckin' kidding me, are you a dog? Is this what you do at home? You shit in my garbage can you piece of fuggin' trash!" To which the man responds "how dare you?" Hubby turns to the other customers (who are now glaring at Doo-Doo Dave in disgust), apologizes for his language and informs them that the store is now closed. He goes to Dooin' Dave and says "You're going to clean my trash can, right fuckin' now!" The man responds- "if I clean that trash can, you're not getting a sale!"... oh gee- let me get that sale and your shit on top of it- fuck outta here! Hubby gets closer, hands him the trash and says "I don't give a FUCK about a gotdamn sale- you nasty motherfucker, you are going to clean this trash can and get the fuck outta my store"... the man scared (shitless I would say but it's all in the trash can at this point)- goes outside, hubby hands him cleaning supplies and he begins to clean out his own shit. Did I mention that he came in to the store with his wife, who upon hubby presenting him with the can full of shit, she screams "I can't believe you did that!" and goes running out the store...
Honey it's time to draw up divorce papers- because you've married a nasty piece of work- and not to mention for him to easily do that shit with no qualms means that he does that on the reg at home... forget scoldin' the dog for not being able to hold it til you and him go for a walk, now you gotta worry about your husband's nasty ass shittin wherever he feels...
Another thing, how nasty can you be! How nasty! I imagine it takes a lot to plop your ass over a trash can and shit like you're on the bowl...
So the man cleaned out the trash then put the can inside the store- like that bitch is reusable- hubby opens the door and re-engaged his football training and kicked that trash can right into the fuggin' parking lot...
Hubby gained a new level of respect from me- b/c I know I'd be blogging from jail right now- after I took that garbage can and put it over his fuggin' head and banged that shit like it was a bell at a gotdamn Chuck Wagon Food Court...
Happy Monday!
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