Nip/Tuck- The Office Version

I'm here at work, working on some product 'ish when this idiot manager emails me some photos of herself from her New Year's gathering she calls me and tells me she wants me to photoshop her fuggin' kangaroo pouch and make her look like she's not carrying 6 lil babies in her effin' stomach... 

I say "ok" I'll work on it but she's squished up with 4 other people in the photo and there's not much more I can do but remove the bumps... 

I do the work and email them to her... she calls me "they're ok, but... can you make me look skinnier"

In my head I'm thinking "This bitch is giving me crack cocaine and expecting a polio vaccine!"

So I said to Nip/Tuck "Well since you are squished together in between 2 people that's gonna be kinda hard and I'll probably end up making your friends next to you look fat"... silence.. "I don't care about them" she laughs, "I just want to be thin".... "Ok" I say, she pleads "please work on me some more, pleeassse"  "Ok" I say... I hang up... So I create a false opening between her and the friend next to her in the photos, she looks thinner than the last photo... 

The effed up part is this bitch is worried about the width of her hips in the photos when her motherfuggin face and neck is more wrinkled than a damn bed sheet in a $5 hotel! Seriously... are your friends only going to say "she's fat" when they see your wide ass hips and totally ignore the fact that "Father Time" has done a break dance session all on ya face? No they will still be passing the picture around to their friends saying "can you believe how old she's gotten!" Bitch got more rings around her neck than a 100 year old tree! And she asking me to waste my time gettin' rid of her hips... If you gonna ask me to waste my time to photoshop fake space between u and your friend then ask me to photoshop less wrinkles on ya face!

Ass