The Representative...

So Hubby got reconnected with an old family friend he knew from childhood recently and has been chatting it up with dude for about 2 weeks now...
Old boy is nice, however I get a funny feeling every time he's around... something in my gut just says- "this mofo is effed up!"
So last week, Old boy comes by-now hubby tells me he told him that he gets off of work at 6 but he'll be home by 7 so come by then... 6:01pm.. my intercom rings... WTF.. this mofo didn't turn back his clock on Daylight Savings or what!? So I answer- buzz dude in and so the foolishness begins...
He comes in- nothing awry, he's carrying 2 bags- claims the last time he showed up he came with "2 long arms" - I tell him, "that's nice, you didn't have to do that"... I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach like I don't trust dude AT ALL...
So I take his coat and tell him come in the dining room cuz I'm in the kitchen cooking... and I'm also thinking "Mofo I know you got velcro hands so I know I needs to keep an eye on your ass!"
So we get to chatting, dude tells me his life story, he rents a room in a halfway house, has no money, on welfare, and gets SSI ...WTF, this mofo is 28 years old... I think to myself.. LOSER... you ain't even 30 and you halfway housin' it AND on welfare- yeah you the prime bachelor....on muthafuggin Good Times!
Then he tells me "your husband recommended I apply for a job etc and I think he was upset b/c I told him I don't want to mess up my benefits" I say "What benefits?" cuz I'm thinkin' I KNOW your ass don't think welfare and SSI is a "Benefit" you lazy sack of ...
Anyway, he says "my SSI and welfare benefits"... nice... you bout as useful as a wet paper bag in the rain.. So he continues to talk... I tell him "well then don't have him waste his time trying to hook u up with a job if u are content with ur current status, it's up to you what you want to do with your life".. he's like "true" ... what a waste of breath and tax money...
So he's talkin and I'm in and out of listening... he starts to talk about his girlfriend- or ex girlfriend... here we go... so he tells me "she's into the fast life, gettin' that fast money"... I ask- trying to be polite... "are you 2 still together or what?" he says, "no, we're just friends but we got alot of money when we were together, I kind of acted as her representative"... My mind does a a rewind of the stories Hubby has told me about Old Boy... OH YEAH! I remember now... his ex-girl is a... PROSTITUTE!... so in other words you telling me that you was her PIMP!
Representative my ass! WTF is that?! I guess a drug dealer is a representative for the Pharmaceutical industry!? Fuck outta here with the bullshit! I tilt my head and give him the side eye... my gut intuition is now intense... cuz I knew there was something about this big headed bug-eyed mofo standing in my house... I just say "uh huh" as he tells me that she's into the fast money and he tried to get her to settle down... I wanted to scream IDIOT YOU CAN"T TURN A HO INTO A HOUSE WIFE!?
So I guess he sees the look of disgust on my face – lip turned up, eyes rolling usually causes one to clam up... but no he continues with the saga- "she was into drugs too and so was I" ...
Wait...
What?
YOU A DOPE HEAD TOO?! WHERE'S MY KNIFE!? I said to him "ok, I've heard enough..."
15 mins later.. hubby calls from downstairs and tells him to come down they had somewhere to go... I get Old Boy's coat and walk him to the door... he's standing facing me and I said "go down the stairs and to the exit on ur left" and then I slam the door while he's preparing to say something else...
I thought the foolishness was over... but oh how wrong I was...
Hubby and Old boy return with hubby's cousin... hubby's cousin looks a tad bit annoyed.. pulls me in the kitchen says "WTF is wrong with that dude?" I said "dunno.. what happened" He tells me that during a discussion about children, he shows Old Boy a pic of his daughter who is 15 and said to him "this is my daughter she's 15" to which Old Boy responds "Oh word? She's beautiful, you got any girls that look like her"... Cousin goes off -"Motherfucker what the fuck you just said I told you that was my 15 year old daughter ASS!" Old Boy retracts and says "oh I'm sorry, didn't mean it like that" ... yeah ok R.Kelly...
A lil later- Old Boy gets a call on his cell... it's some chick he's met online.. she's sent him a pic...
he asks "Can I check my email?" "Sure" hubby says... so he goes and checks his email... big ole pic of some fat girl comes up on the screen... hubby says "who the hell is that?"... he's like "this chic I'm talking to on the phone now"... so hubby shakes his head and leaves the room... but myself and the cousin are still in there ... we're watching t.v. and we hear Old Boy telling his life story about the halfway house and welfare to internet girl over the phone... we look at each other like "WTF"and we both leave the room...So maybe 15 minutes later, he's done with the call and we return to the living room, he asks hubby "how do you erase something on your computer?" Hubby says quickly... "you can't".. so shortly after Old Boy gets up and all of a sudden has to leave...we're all like OK... he leaves...
So I get on the computer after he leaves cuz I wanna see the pic he was looking at of old girl, so I check the history... wait a minute... TRANSEXUAL DATING ONLINE? excuse me?
I push my seat back and turn to hubby and his cousin and say "That mofo is into transsexuals?!"
They both do like Scooby Doo and say "argh?"
WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE? Searchin' for chicks with dicks is not something you do at ya friends house! If ya monkey ass ain't got a computer then go to the library with that shit or the internet cafe! Damn freak ass mofo!
So hubby is appalled and embarrassed...and apologizes profusely to me... I mean talk about taking a turn to the left side of the earth... so the next day he calls him and tells him "my wife came across something about transsexuals, yo you into that shit?" he says "oh no, I clicked on that by accident" Hubby says.. "Yo cut the bullshit, we could see that you have an account! If it was an accident it wouldn't have your username filled out in the address!!!" Dead silence... Then
he says "Please don't tell anybody in the family, tell your wife I'm so sorry, I'm so embarrassed"...Hubby says "Yo man, why you choose to do that shit at my house"... "I don't know" he says... Hubby hangs up on him...
I know why... cuz ya ass was crazy and trying to send us signals that you wanted to bang my husband and his cousin... freak nasty ass...
Needless to say... he ain't welcomed in my house NO MORE!